Recognising the signs of domestic abuse

A woman was headbutted and forced to cover the bruises with make-up during an eight-month abusive relationship.

Physical injury was just one of the forms of abuse the woman suffered and she lists the catalogue of put downs, demands for money and even threats to kill her pets as she shares her story in the hope it will help others recognise the signs of toxic relationships.

This survivor got help from Lincolnshire Police in partnership with the Lincolnshire Domestic Abuse Specialist Service (LDASS) and below is how she described her ordeal.

“In the short eight-month relationship the constant calls came, sometimes over 100 a day if I didn’t answer. The jealousy over social media platforms. Taking my phone and smashing it, four phones in eight months. Constant accusations of talking to or liking other men.

“The one night I went out in eight months he turned up too. When he turned up my night got cut short. He said men were looking at me dancing. He was all nice in front of my friends and, as we left, he pushed my head into a glass shop window.

“The pressure of him asking me for money. Him manipulating me into thinking everybody loved him and I was the lucky one to have him. The dread of seeing a guy out I knew and him saying hello. The constant proof of where I was, having to send photos.

“The manipulation of threatening that if I didn’t answer or if I ended it he would ring my job and say I was stealing.

“The repeat put downs. The accusations over new clothes and putting them in the toilet. The humiliation of being pinned down and having food spat in my mouth and made to swallow it.

“The lies he would make me say. Not being allowed to go to the GP or hospital after he headbutted my nose and broke it. Being told to wear make-up to cover the bruises or bite marks. Getting an Uber and being accused of doing things with the driver.

“It’s amazing how much someone can do in eight months. 

“The threats hung over everything. If I was to tell anyone he would deny it all and make out I did it. If I was to tell anyone he would kill himself and it would be my fault. If I was to tell anyone he would kill my pets and the things I loved.

“This is my story.”

A police spokesperson said the force was ‘sincerely grateful to this survivor for sharing in her own words the absolute horror this perpetrator put her through’ and list the red flags of her experiences.

• Accusations.
• Manipulation.
• Financial control.
• Humiliation.
• Jealousy.
• Suspicion.
• Constant put downs.
• Denial.
• Threats to harm or kill themselves.
• Threats to kill pets.

“This is what abusers do. This is not love. If you need help, please call us. If you are not ready to call us, know that there is help and support.”

Contact the Lincolnshire Domestic Abuse Specialist Service https://ldass.org.uk or call the freephone 24-hour National Domestic Abuse Helpline on 0808 2000 247.