Domestic abuse red flags

In the latest feature in memory of Holly Bramley tackling domestic abuse we look at the red flags that indicate abuse in a relationship.

Holly’s mum, Annette Bramley, and the Lincolnshire Domestic Abuse Specialist Service are working to raise awareness and promote help and support for domestic abuse.  

Holly was stabbed to death by her husband in Bassingham near Lincoln in 2023 and Annette is determined that her daughter’s death will help other victims:  “Sadly, meeting the man who cruelly took her life was just the beginning of a rocky road for Holly as she embarked on a life of domestic abuse and, despite our trying, as a family we never managed to save her from that.”

The need for power and control underpins domestic abuse. Holly was isolated her from her family and made to feel that she was to blame for the abuse.

• Jealousy, suspicion, rage, control – this is not the behaviour of a loving partner.
• Someone who cares for you will not love bomb you one minute, only to give you the silent treatment the next.
• They will not ask you repeatedly where you are going or where you are…then turn up there.
• They will not follow you, monitor your phone or check on you relentlessly.
• They will not isolate you from your friends and family.
• They will not threaten to hurt themselves if you leave.

Holly was never to blame for the treatment she suffered – and nor is any victim or survivor of domestic abuse. 

“We miss Holly so much our hearts are broken. But, if anything, we need her death to highlight that domestic abuse is NOT OK. If she had recognised what this was, and what she was being subjected to, we may have her home with us now.

“It was a real privilege to be Holly’s mum, I only wish we had been able to do more to save her. I really do hope this campaign will make a difference to someone suffering in the same way.

“The biggest hurdle is getting that person to listen, to realise that they are not in a safe relationship; for them to believe what their worried family and friends can see, that they can't. That's the thing we need to get across because Holly couldn't see what a controlling, coercive fiend he was. But we could.”

If the red flags sound familiar to you help and support is available at https://ldass.org.uk